Often times in my daily dining experience I find myself short of a napkin. If I am eating with other people this usually means I am someplace that provides napkins, and thus I can go fetch one to avoid social embarrassment. If I am dining along various options present themselves.
I eat breakfast in the car as I commute to work. A bagel with cream cheese and black tea with milk and honey is my standard fare. I am a tidy bagel eater and a napkin is a rare requirement. If any sloppiness occurs it is cream cheese on the face, which is reachable by tongue. No napkin required.
I eat lunch in my cube, sandwich and a handful of nuts. My sandwiches are neat and tidy and do not require napkins. However I am a sloucher, and I usually end up with crumbs on my upper chest. Thus I must scoot my chair over to the trash can and, in one fell swoop, grab the can and lean forward. If done correctly all crumbs leave my torso and enter the can. Classy!
Dinner is more of a challenge. Here I introduce a great variety into my diet, much of which necessitates the serviette. If Goody Davies is dining with me a standard napkin is in play. Alone, I prefer the dog. Gala has a delicate slurp, and she will give a thorough cleansing to the face and hands. If I let her, she will also polish the dome which has been highly lacking in follicles since 1996.
Of course the best napkin fallback in absence of a dog, or in company where use of the dog is not appropriate, is the sock. Simply wipe one’s mouth with one’s hand, then cross the legs and casually wipe the hand on the sock. The sock advantage is that the effluvium is invisible when standing, and a casually sock napkining can usually be performed underneath a table. But the dog is really the way to go.